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Relations Among Apology, Forgiveness, and Communicative Responses to Hurtful Messages
Unformatted Document Text:  Forgiveness and Communication 3 Relations Among Apology, Forgiveness, and Communicative Responses to Hurtful Messages: An Extension of the Interpersonal Forgiveness Model In line with the old adage, research shows that people often “hurt the ones they love.” Studies suggest that at some point most romantic partners in serious dating or marital relationships engage in hurtful acts such as betrayals of confidence, deception, and infidelities (Afifi, Falato, & Weiner, 2001; Afifi & Metts, 1998; Buunk, & Bringle, 1987; Cole, 2001; Hansen, 1987; Metts, 1994; Roscoe et al., 1988; Vangelisti, 1994; Weis & Slosnerick, 1981). In fact, some research suggests that sexual infidelity occurs at least once in about half of long-term dating relationships (Sheppard, Nelson, & Andreoli-Mathie, 1995; Wiederman & Hurd, 1999), that about 90% of people in dating relationships have lied to their partner about an important matter (Knox, Schacht, Holt, & Turner, 1993), and that almost everyone can recall a time when someone close to them said something that deeply hurt their feelings (Vangelisti, 1994). In this study, hurtful events are conceptualized as actions or words that violate an implicit or explicit relational rule and cause at some degree of emotional hurt to the target. As such, the term hurtful events encompasses both relational transgressions and hurtful messages. Relational transgressions have been defined as acts that negatively violate expectations or relationship rules (Afifi & Metts, 1998; Ayres, 1979; Metts, 1994). Prototypical transgressions include having sex with someone outside of the primary relationship, wanting to or actually dating others, deceiving the partner, flirting or necking with a third party, and being emotionally involved with someone outside of the relationship (Metts, 1994; Roscoe, Cavanaugh, & Kennedy, 1988). Hurtful messages have been defined as specific verbalizations that hurt the partner’s feelings (Vangelisti & Crumley, 1998). These messages most often focus on relational issues, such as expressing a desire to never see someone again, or personality traits, such as

Authors: Bachman, Guy. and Guerrero, Laura.
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Forgiveness and Communication 3
Relations Among Apology, Forgiveness, and Communicative Responses to Hurtful Messages:
An Extension of the Interpersonal Forgiveness Model
In line with the old adage, research shows that people often “hurt the ones they love.”
Studies suggest that at some point most romantic partners in serious dating or marital
relationships engage in hurtful acts such as betrayals of confidence, deception, and infidelities
(Afifi, Falato, & Weiner, 2001; Afifi & Metts, 1998; Buunk, & Bringle, 1987; Cole, 2001;
Hansen, 1987; Metts, 1994; Roscoe et al., 1988; Vangelisti, 1994; Weis & Slosnerick, 1981). In
fact, some research suggests that sexual infidelity occurs at least once in about half of long-term
dating relationships (Sheppard, Nelson, & Andreoli-Mathie, 1995; Wiederman & Hurd, 1999),
that about 90% of people in dating relationships have lied to their partner about an important
matter (Knox, Schacht, Holt, & Turner, 1993), and that almost everyone can recall a time when
someone close to them said something that deeply hurt their feelings (Vangelisti, 1994).
In this study, hurtful events are conceptualized as actions or words that violate an implicit
or explicit relational rule and cause at some degree of emotional hurt to the target. As such, the
term hurtful events encompasses both relational transgressions and hurtful messages.
Relational transgressions have been defined as acts that negatively violate expectations or
relationship rules (Afifi & Metts, 1998; Ayres, 1979; Metts, 1994). Prototypical transgressions
include having sex with someone outside of the primary relationship, wanting to or actually
dating others, deceiving the partner, flirting or necking with a third party, and being emotionally
involved with someone outside of the relationship (Metts, 1994; Roscoe, Cavanaugh, &
Kennedy, 1988). Hurtful messages have been defined as specific verbalizations that hurt the
partner’s feelings (Vangelisti & Crumley, 1998). These messages most often focus on relational
issues, such as expressing a desire to never see someone again, or personality traits, such as


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